Some women did not lose their voice in one day. They just learned, slowly and quietly, to soften him. They have learned to preface any statement with an apology, to smile so that the sentence does not sound too sharp, and to offer an idea in the form of a question even when they know exactly what is true.
Over the years, this softening disguises itself as politeness, but beneath the surface, the price is heavy: little by little, the woman stops checking what is right for you to say, and starts checking how not to burden, not to threaten, not to anger and not to stand out.
Thus her voice becomes less her own, and more the softened version that the world asked her to be.
From a young age, women learn that their voice needs filtering. A girl who is too opinionated may be called “insolent”, an assertive woman may be called “difficult”, and a woman who refuses to shrink may be perceived as “problematic”.
The unwritten lesson is simple: to stay loved, you should be less sharp. To stay desirable, don’t take up too much space.
But a woman is not born to be a comfortable version of herself. The world may gain a nicer woman when she softens herself, but it loses the wisdom, intuition, depth and truth that only she has.
When a woman stops wanting and makes her voice heard, the first thing that happens is not noise – but a silence of clarity.
She stops disappearing while listening to others, and starts being present. It doesn’t get harder; It becomes more accurate. It does not lose softness; She stops using it to hide her truth.
And it does not imitate power. She brings a different power: the power of active listening, systemic vision, intuition, boundaries and inner loyalty.
Many women think that in order to lead they must adopt existing models of power: hide sensitivity, replace intuition with control, speak in a language that is not always natural to them, and prove that they know how to “play the game”.
But the real revolution is not being able to play a game built without you. The revolution is realizing that your clarity is part of your leadership.
When you stop softening your voice, you don’t have to choose between softness and strength. You begin to understand that they are not a contradiction. They can stem from the same source: a woman who knows who she is, what she brings, and does not ask permission to be present.
When a woman speaks from an inner value, the dynamic in the room changes. She no longer rushes to fill the silence to reassure others. She does not diminish her knowledge so as not to embarrass those around her. She does not present her request as if it is a favor that someone grants her. And she doesn’t wait for them to give her permission to take a seat.
A clear female voice does not only serve the woman speaking. He also opens up a possibility for other women in the room. He tells them: You can be bright without being tough. Sensitive without shrinking. Unapologetically present.
in my book “scarred stone”, I return to silences of women who carried generations on their shoulders. Their silence was not always a weakness; Sometimes it was a survival tool. A way to keep, to hold, to continue, to pass another day in a world that did not always give them room to speak with their full voice.
But today, our question is different: how do we turn our voice into a tool that will help us in life? How do we stop using silence just to survive, and start using voice to choose, lead, influence and take a place?
Taking space means to stop acting as a temporary guest in your life.
Where are you still softening a sentence that you know is true? Where are you apologizing before you asked? Where do you say “I’m not comfortable” when you actually mean “I’m afraid to take up space”?
Choosing a voice doesn’t have to start with a shout. She can start with one quiet, clear and stable sentence.
A sentence that says:
i am here
This article is part of the content world of Fentay Around women, voice, presence and the courage to take a place.
Lecturer, writer and strategic consultant for identity-based leadership. Accompanying organizations, managers and communities in a process that transforms identity, roots and life experience from a source of concealment or friction - to a source of presence, belonging, leadership and impact.
צמיחה אמיתית לא נולדת מחיקוי, אלא מהאומץ לפגוש את עצמך - ולהביא לעולם את האני שלך באמת
אני מזמינה אותך ליצור איתי קשר
Fentay Maharat-Alamu's debut novel returns to the world of the women of the House of Israel in Ethiopia - to roots, memory, scars and female strength. Leave details to receive first updates on the release of the book, pre-purchase, premium edition and launch events.
